twispitefic

melissatreglia

Title: The ABC's of Anti-Twilight

Author: Melissa Treglia (

gnosticdiva)

Fandom: Twilight

Word Count: 280

Rating: PG-13

Inspiration: A fannish alphabet poem on the Forever Knight fanfic site (archived here for the time being). I couldn't resist doing my own anti-Twilight alphabet poem based on the Western alphabet all of us Anglophones know so well. The rhyming scheme is all mine, though.

Warnings: Some language and mildly suggestive humour. Do not fold, bend, spindle or mutilate.

Summary: Learn your ABC's, the anti-Twilight way!

( Read more... )

melissatreglia

Title: Normal Guy vs. Edward Cullen vs. Lord James Grey the Cat
Author: Melissa Treglia (gnosticdiva)
Fandom: Twilight
Rating: PG
Word Count: 816
Author's Note: Lord James Grey is my Mum's cat (we usually just call him "James"). He's a beautiful purebred Russian Blue that I rescued off the street. His name was her idea, not mine (I wanted to call him Squeaky McSqueakerson, because of the cries he makes, but I was vetoed).

Summary: Yet another "Normal Guy" vs. Edward Cullen comparison--this time, with my mom's adorable, sweet and fluffy cat.

( A regular guy, a sparklepire and a housecat walk into an LJ post... )

melissatreglia

Because it had to be posted at some point, and it might as well be me.

If you haven't read the Growing Up Cullen LJ-RP series yet, I think now is a good time to come out from under that rock you've been hiding. This series should be required reading for anyone who is anti-Twilight. Ratings-wise, I would consider it PG-13 due to some language and sexual humour.

Part 1: I like how we turned Edward into a 40 year old mother on a bad day.
http://balcarin.livejournal.com/462027.html

Part 2: YES, I AM DOING THAT "EMO BULLSHIT," I CAN FEEL IF I WANT TO
http://balcarin.livejournal.com/462772.html

Part 3: STOP TWIRLING THE POOL STICKS, THEY ARE NOT TOYS! YOU DON'T GROW BACK EYES, EMMETT.
http://balcarin.livejournal.com/463133.html

Part 4: I feel totally validated that Growing Up Cullen is canon thanks to the Midnight Sun leak.
http://balcarin.livejournal.com/468348.html

Part 5: Growing Up Cullen: Christmas with the Cullens
http://balcarin.livejournal.com/494218.html

Bonus: Growing Up Cullen icons
http://balcarin.livejournal.com/463630.html

Enjoy!

ETA (8/6/19): The LJ account that hosted GUC is long gone now, so here's the entire series in PDF: Get from Dropbox

marienomad.livejournal.com

Title: Thor vs. Bella Cullen
Author: Marie Nomad
Fandom(s): Thor, Avengers, and Twilight
Rating: PG
Word Count: 700
Inspiration: Bella's feelings about humanity
Warnings: None
Summary: Thor meets the new and improved Bella. They talk about humanity and they have very different ideas about humans as a species.

Current Mood: amused

marienomad.livejournal.com

Title: Edward vs. Tony
Author: MarieNomad
Fandom(s): Iron Man and Twilight
Rating: PG
Word Count: 900
Inspiration: Edward in Twilight
Warnings: None
Summary: Set after Pepper vs. Bella. Edward and Tony talk about redemption and dealing with women. Also, how to fend off telepathy.
Disclaimer: Tony Stark belongs to Marvel Comics. Edward Cullen belong to Stephanie Meyer.

Current Mood: amused

marienomad.livejournal.com

Title: Pepper vs. Bella
Author: Marie Nomad
Fandom(s): Iron Man and Twilight
Rating: G
Word Count: 420
Inspiration: Just the character Bella that just doesn't do anything but whine.
Warnings: None
Summary: What happens when Pepper Potts and Bella Swan meet and debate about their boyfriends and goals?

Follow the Fake Cut

Current Mood: amused

mage-apprentice.livejournal.com

Title: Normal Guy vs Edward Cullen vs Zelos Wilder
Author: mage_apprentice
Word Count: 835
Fandom: Twilight, Tales of Symphonia
Rating: PG-13
AN: I promise, this is the last Normal Guy vs Edward Cullen fic I'm gonna do (at least for a very long time).

( What's the difference between a rich gentleman like Edward and a rich gentleman like Zelos? Well, one of them has fun with life. )

ranguvar33

(Mervin, sorry about forgetting the cut last time. I do know how to do them, I promise. ;)]

Title: Normal Guy vs Edward Cullen vs Robert Carmon

Author:

ranguvar42

Fandom: Twilight

Summary: Another parody of The Normal Guy vs Edward Cullen using two characters from my upcoming novel. Robert is a werewolf and Maeve is his wife.

Word Count: 555

Rating: PG

( Eddie Stinks.. )

Current Mood: bouncy

mage-apprentice.livejournal.com

Title: Normal Guy vs Edward Cullen vs Daisee the Dog
Author: mage_apprentice
Fandom: Twilight
Rating: G
Word Count: 657
Summary: Another parody of that stupid Normal Guy vs Edward Cullen comparison. The love of a dog knows no bounds.
Note: Daisee is my sister's dog and is a pomeranian/chihuahua crossbreed. My sister named her, not me . . . Also, for some reason, the rich text options are cut and I can't preview or switch between rich text and HTML settings. I also can't select tags even if I press the button for some reason. What's with you, LJ?

( A Dog's Love Surpasses All )

Current Mood: annoyed

stormswift

( Read more... )

stormswift

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stormswift

( Read more... )

melissatreglia

Title: Bella and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day
Author: Melissa Treglia (aka

gnosticdiva)
Rating: G
Word Count: 921
Inspiration: A certain charming picture book by Judith Viorst. Re-reading this little book, which I so loved as a child, encouraged me to re-write the first three chapters of the Twilight story using Judith's language and writing style.
Author's Note: We interrupt your regularly scheduled spitefic to bring a little palate-cleanser... mostly because I had to get some silliness out of my system before finishing up the next Mending Sunrise installment (wherein the proverbial naturally-expended waste is launched into the atmospheric oscillation device) and beginning a kickass crossover. I hope you enjoy this in the meanwhile.

Summary: Bella wakes up with her hair in tangles... and her day just gets worse from there.

( I think I'll move to South America. )

inmh.livejournal.com

Title: Ninety
Author:

inmh
Fandom(s): Twilight Series (Could fit for just about any)
Rating: PG-13/T
Word Count: 471
Inspiration: Because after having three beloved pets die because of assholes who couldn't be bothered to follow a simple damn speed limit, I'm not inclined to Edward's driving practices. At. All.
Warnings: Language
Summary: In which Charlie gets the biggest, bestest gift ever.
Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer. Not me. Thank God.

( He should have been more careful. )

inmh.livejournal.com

Title: Wake-Up Call
Author:

inmh
Fandom(s): Eclipse, Smallville
Rating: PG-13/T
Word Count: 1,093
Inspiration: Because I think Because Bella's a little thicker than Lois could anticipate. And I really wanted to have Lois flip-out at the car-engine thing. It's shorter than the first, but I may yet write more. THIS IS ADDICTIVE. :D
Warnings: Language
Summary: Smallville crossover, set during Eclipse. Lois gets a call at work that turns into much more than just a stern talking-to.
Disclaimer: I don't own Smallville. It belongs to Jerry Siegal, Joe Shuster and the CW. Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

( "What do you mean 'I wasn't trying to kill myself'? What the hell do you think happens when you jump off of a cliff?" )

inmh.livejournal.com

Title: Wake-Up Call
Author:

inmh
Fandom(s): New Moon, Smallville
Rating: PG-13/T
Word Count: 3,062
Inspiration: Smallville is just so saturated with badass women who do not take crap from anyone (And yet still retain enough vulnerability to make them relatable), I had to do something with at least one of them kicking Bella’s ass. I’ve already got a massive girl-crush on Tess and have her featured in many an in-progress story, so I figured I should use someone else for this one. AND THUS LOIS WAS CHOSEN FOR THE HOLY TASK. :D
Warnings: Language
Summary: Smallville crossover, set during New Moon. When nothing else worked, Charlie decided to call his niece in order to find a way to snap Bella out of her self-destructive zombie-funk.
Disclaimer: I don't own Smallville. It belongs to Jerry Siegal, Joe Shuster and the CW. Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

( "You're going to Kansas." )

marienomad.livejournal.com

Story: The Day after Breaking Dawn by friendofbread
Summary: Edward can read Bella's mind.
Word Count: 475
Genre: Angst/Horror (Humor)
Reccer's comments: It is hilarious. Bella's thoughts match the ones in the Twilight Books much to Edwards agony. All she could think about was how beautiful Edward is and it annoys him. For some reason, it's under Angst/Horror but it felt more like humor to me.

Current Mood: amused

marienomad.livejournal.com

I had found some interesting fics. I did not write any of them but I enjoyed them.

Always and Forever by Dargon-Nix

Summary: Bella is at last going to become a Vampire just as she always desired. Things take an unexpected turn for the worst however...
Word Count: 1,139
Genre: Horror/Angst

Reccer's comments: This is an Alternate reality and it shows how dangerous it could be to trust a vampire.

Mary Sue by AngelinPink1

Summary: What if all the characters in twilight lived in a normal world? Would Bella's life be any different? This anti-Bella fan fiction takes the readers on the story of Twilight and Bella and Edward's romance as it should be.
Word Count: 8,861
Genre: Humor/Romance

Reccer's comments: It's pretty funny and put a 'real world' spin on it. Although, Bella is a bit ditsy in this.

Current Mood: tired

mage-apprentice.livejournal.com

Title: Random Encounter
Author: mage_apprentice
Fandom: Twilight and Pokemon
Rating: PG-13 (tell me if the rating has to go up)
Word Count: 549
Inspiration: What do meyerpires and pokemon have in common? Why, they're both shiny!
Warning: Mild language with one f-bomb
Summary: Wild EDWARD appeared!
Author's Notes: The redheaded pokemon trainer you see is the rival in Gold, Silver, Crystal and their remakes. His name is Silver, but unfortunately, while writing this, his name doesn't come up.

( *sparklesparklesparkle* Ed-WAA-aard! )

Current Mood: ohgodi'msuchanerd

mage-apprentice.livejournal.com

Title: Fill In the Blanks
Author: mage_apprentice
Fandom(s): Twilight Series
Rating: PG
Word Count: 199
Inspiration: The stupid crossed-out letter Jacob sent to Bella, even though she could read his entire thought process instead of starting a new piece of paper. Let's have Jacob stop censoring himself.
Author's Note: The italicized parts are from Meyer.

( Jacob's Letter but with Less Cross-Outs )

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We're filled with spite and we like to write.

Entries tagged with genre: comedy

The ABC's of Anti-Twilight

Normal Guy vs. Edward Cullen vs. Lord James Grey the Cat

Fic Rec: Growing Up Cullen

Debate Fic: Thor vs. Bella Cullen

Debate fic: Edward vs. Tony

Debate Fic: Pepper Potts vs. Bella Swan

Normal Guy vs Edward Cullen vs Zelos Wilder

Normal Guy VS Edward Cullen VS Robert Carmon

Normal Guy vs Edward Cullen vs Daisee the Dog

The Literary Society vs. Twilight, Part 3/4

The Literary Society vs. Twilight, Part 2/4

The Literary Society vs. Twilight, Part 1/4

Bella and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Spitefic: Ninety (1/1)

Spitefic: Wake-Up Call II: Death By Long-Distance

Spitefic: Wake-Up Call

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Fic Recs

Random Encounter

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