The ABC's of Anti-Twilight

[melissatreglia]

Title: The ABC's of Anti-Twilight

Author: Melissa Treglia (gnosticdiva)

Fandom: Twilight

Word Count: 280

Rating: PG-13

Inspiration: A fannish alphabet poem on the Forever Knight fanfic site (archived here for the time being). I couldn't resist doing my own anti-Twilight alphabet poem based on the Western alphabet all of us Anglophones know so well. The rhyming scheme is all mine, though.

Warnings: Some language and mildly suggestive humour. Do not fold, bend, spindle or mutilate.

Summary: Learn your ABC's, the anti-Twilight way!

A is for Aborted

What Edward demanded Renesmee be

B is for Boffing

The entire Cullen family tree

C is for Charlie

Whose mustache we like

D is for Demetri

Who only wishes he was Spike

E is for Edward

His emo makes us snore

F is for Faeries

What they should be named for

G is Goddamn

As in the hole in Bella's chest

H is for Headache

What we get when we read the rest

I is for Ignorant

For which Meyer has no excuse

J is for Jealous

What fans call us--they can't handle the truth

K is for Killing

When you want to, the Cullens hand you the key

L is for Larceny

How Alice got herself the car in Italy

M is for Money

Meyer's reason for publishing her wet dreams

N is for Nooooo!

When Book Four was split in two films, we screamed

O is for Oversexed

Bella's personality--if a bit on the nose

P is for Purple

The colour of Stephenie Meyer's prose

Q is for Questions

Seth won't let you ask her

R is for Romance

It's completely beyond Meyer

S is for Stupid

The entire series in a nutshell

T is for Trauma

Because the books put us through hell

U is for Umpire

The sparkly vampires play baseball

V is for Victorian

Because a bodice ripper would show it all

W is for Wasteful

The Cullen's spending is exactly it

X is for Xenophobia

Why the vamps give the wolves such shit

Y is for Yammer

The only thing the characters have done

Z is for Zero, zip

The letters left--I hope you liked this one!