twispitefic

Title: Normal Guy vs Edward Cullen vs Zelos Wilder
Author: mage_apprentice
Word Count: 835
Fandom: Twilight, Tales of Symphonia
Rating: PG-13
AN: I promise, this is the last Normal Guy vs Edward Cullen fic I'm gonna do (at least for a very long time).

A normal guy would say: “I love you Baby!”
Edward Cullen would say: “You are my life now.”
Zelos would give you a kiss and say “Love ya, babe!”

Normal Guy would say: “I think I am falling for you.”
Edward Cullen would say: “The Lion fell in Love with the Lamb”
“I love you” is a phrase Zelos frequently says even for the most casual occasions. However, the trust, loyalty, honesty, and willingness to share his heart and life with you would be the sign that he truly loves you.

Normal Guy would say: “You hair looks like a haystack; go brush it!”
Edward Cullen would say: “Your hair looks like a haystack but I like it.”
Zelos would say, “Looks like I did a really good job last night! Let me brush those tangles out for you, hunny.”

A normal guy would pick a random song from a random artist and dedicate it to you.
Edward Cullen would sing you a song he wrote for you while playing the piano.
A romantic at heart, Zelos will put that piano to use at least once, preferably with lots of rose petals scattered over it. Whether or not he’s actually good at playing that piano is a different story, but he’ll just roll with it.

If you die, a normal guy would find another.
If you die, Edward would kill himself cause life without you isn’t worth living.
If you die, Zelos would mourn your death and cherish your memory. It will be hard, especially considering his history with emotional turmoil, but Zelos will push through the grief with the help of his dearest friends.

As you leave the house, a normal guy would say: “Bye, see ya!”
As you leave the house Edward Cullen would say: “Come back to me, love.”
As you leave the house, Zelos would say “See ya in a bit!” or go with you.

As you come back to the house, a normal guy would be watching TV and wouldn’t even notice.
As you come back to the house, Edward Cullen would be welcoming you by playing the piano with a song just for you.
If he’s not busy pushing through political reforms to help give minorities legal equality, Zelos will greet you at the door and pull you into some activity.

A normal guy would wait for you to make him breakfast.
Edward Cullen would make you breakfast everyday.
Zelos is rich and has a cook to make breakfast for the both of you. Though, if you’re both going to be traveling sometime, expect at least one or two glamorous feasts (least, as best as he can cook).

While you are both out for dinner, a normal guy wouldn’t keep his eyes off the sexy waitress.
Edward Cullen wouldn’t even notice the waitress was a female.
What’s with a little staring at the sexy waitress when Zelos will soon happily tell you how wonderful and sexy you are? Well, after he's done teasing you about your supposed "jealousy."

A normal guy, while driving, would keep one hand on the wheel and one hand on the radio.
Edward Cullen, while driving, would keep one hand on the wheel and the other attached to yours.
There are no cars in Aselia, but if there were, he’d be riding in the back of his limousine with you and seeing what the two of you can do in just a couple minutes.

While far apart in different places, a normal guy would say: “I miss you.”
While far apart in different places, Edward Cullen would say: “It’s like you’ve taken half myself with you”
While far apart in different places, Zelos might teasingly tell you how much fun you’re missing out when, in reality, he’s busy as hell with his political life and missing your company. However, it isn’t as though he’s completely alone when he can spend time with his sister or friends.

A normal guy wouldn’t care or notice if you had nightmares.
Edward Cullen would sing until your nightmares went away.
Zelos would hold you until you calmed down enough for him to crack a joke and make you smile.

A normal guy does it with everyone.
Edward Cullen only does it with one.
As a bachelor, Zelos wasn’t exactly too picky on whom he shared his bed with. However, if he settles down with one woman, he’d cherish the risk of being with him and would return such loyalty and trust. That, and his balls would appreciate not suffering the painful consequences of when a man gets caught cheating.

A normal guy buys you flowers and chocolates.
Edward Cullen buys you a car.
Zelos, as a nobleman second in power to only the king, is very rich and would spoil you with gifts from flowers and chocolates to expensive presents. However, it’s not the price tag that makes the gift special or even the gift itself but seeing your delight when you open that present and how happy you are when you use the item. After all, what fun is vapid materialism?

AN: Oh man, that suicide one was so awkward . . . I was tempted to say more, but I think I'll just leave it at that considering how much that one says.