twispitefic

Title: Wake-Up Call
Author:

inmh
Fandom(s): Eclipse, Smallville
Rating: PG-13/T
Word Count: 1,093
Inspiration: Because I think Because Bella's a little thicker than Lois could anticipate. And I really wanted to have Lois flip-out at the car-engine thing. It's shorter than the first, but I may yet write more. THIS IS ADDICTIVE. :D
Warnings: Language
Summary: Smallville crossover, set during Eclipse. Lois gets a call at work that turns into much more than just a stern talking-to.
Disclaimer: I don't own Smallville. It belongs to Jerry Siegal, Joe Shuster and the CW. Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

"What do you mean 'I wasn't trying to kill myself'? What the hell do you think happens when you jump off of a cliff?"

Clark eyed Lois warily. Her tone had gradually gotten darker over the last ten minutes, in which she'd been speaking to her cousin, Bella, over the phone. Nearly five months following Bella's visit to Metropolis, in which she had been ritualistically ripped open and torn apart by Lois, Charlie had called with an unfortunate update: Edward had returned to Forks.

But not after, apparently, Bella had run off to Italy to go find him.

Lois had gone to hell and back to try and convince Bella to dump the guy. While Clark was cautiously trying to stay out of most of the efforts, he couldn't help but agree; from what he'd heard of Edward, he was controlling to the nth degree, and Bella was unhealthily attached to him. The fact that she'd lapsed into an almost-coma following his leaving was evidence enough of that.

"Clark," He jumped, and Tess- who had come up behind him without his noticing- blinked. "Did I just surprise you?"

"Uh, yeah."

"Hm. Go me." She remarked with a smirk before holding up a paper. "About that article you left for approval-"

"-How did you even get a passport? You're eighteen, and you've never left the damn country!" Lois's voice rose another level, and she was using her free hand to tear at her hair. At Tess's inquisitive look, Clark sighed.

"Bella."

"Bella… Oh, right: Love-sick baby cousin."

"She jumped off a cliff."

"What?"

"She said she was trying to cliff-dive, not commit suicide." Tess's eyes rolled shut.

"That is the most pathetic excuse I've ever heard, and that's after some of the excuses Oliver used when he was cheating on me."

"Okay, okay, let me get this straight: He was going to kill himself because he thought you were dead, and you don't see how that is mentally unstable?"

Clark and Tess's eyebrows both slid up onto their foreheads. "Her boyfriend came back, I take it?" Tess asked lightly.

"Yep. I guess her dad's worried."

"I would be."

"Do you realize that threatening suicide is one of the fifteen signs of abuse that the National Domestic Violence Hotline has on their website?" Lois continued heatedly. "It's controlling as hell-" She stopped for a moment, Bella having evidently interrupted her.

"I think she isn't as intimidated over the phone as she is in person. She's interrupted Lois a few times now." Clark theorized. Tess snorted.

"How long do you think it'll take her to learn from that mistake?" Clark shook his head grimly and didn't answer, because Lois's expression was only growing darker.

"Do you even hear yourself? 'He loves me, he's only trying to protect me!' is more or less the standard response of any woman who's being abused, right along with 'It's my fault, I provoked him'?" She paused again, now looking positively sardonic. "Well, all right then Bella, tell me about some of the other ways he protects you?"

"This is going downhill fast," Tess remarked. "So anyway, I just had a question about one of your sources in the article."

"Which one?"

"The farmer- You might want to go a little higher on the food-chain so it doesn't look biased, and I-"

"HE DID WHAT TO YOUR CAR?"

Clark and Tess jumped sharply (along with everyone else in the bullpen). "Uh-oh." Clark muttered.

"OH HELL NO. HELL NO, BELLA! NOT HAPPENING! I AM COMING UP THERE, AND I AM GOING TO SHOW THAT CONTROLLING, ABUSIVE LITTLE PRICK WHAT'S WHAT!"

There was a brief pause, in which Clark could hear Bella frantically trying to dissuade her cousin from paying her a visit. "Should I be stepping in and telling her to tone it down?" Tess asked, capitalizing on the relative silence and eyeing Lois like a vat of unstable chemicals.

"Not if you like having a head." Clark responded.

"YOU STILL SAY HE'S NOT ABUSIVE? NOT ABUSIVE? DID AUNT RENÉE DROP YOU ON YOUR HEAD AS A BABY? I'M STARTING TO THINK SO! REMOVING THE ENGINE FROM YOUR CAR TO STOP YOU FROM SEEING SOMEONE ELSE IS ABUSE, BELLA! AND I DON'T GIVE A DAMN IF HE WAS TRYING TO 'PROTECT YOU!' GET YOUR FATHER BACK ON THE LINE RIGHT- NOW!"

And then, with his enhanced hearing, Clark heard the sound that was unquestionably someone's death knell, be it Bella's or Edward's:

The sound of the phone clicking as Bella hung it up.

For a moment, Lois was silent, eyes wide. "She did not."

"What?" Tess said.

"She hung up the phone."

"Ooh." Tess seemed to be taking a kind of macabre amusement at the situation. While she and Lois were friendly now, she seemed to take a level of amusement in Lois's wrath (so long as it was not directed at her). But then, Tess had always had a rather sadistic edge to her (And an intense dislike for whiny brats and abusive men).

"She. Did. Not." Lois repeated in a growl, eyes narrowing once more as she slowly set the phone down on the hook. She turned to face Clark and Tess. "I'm taking my vacation time."

"Fine." Tess said without missing a beat.

"I'm going to Washington."

"And what, exactly, are you going to do there?" Clark inquired warily.

"Commit a felony, probably." Lois said, pulling her bag off the back of her chair and walking to the elevator without as much as a by-your-leave. Tess and Clark stared after her, the latter wearily considering that he might need to hit the redial on Lois's desk-phone and hope that her uncle picked up, because he would probably appreciate a warning that did not consist of the tires of a rental car screaming down his road that Lois was in town-

"Go with her."

Clark blinked. "What?" Tess's expression was totally blank.

"Go with her. Everyone in this office has witnessed Lois making a threat against someone's life, and we could all probably get sued if she actually goes through with it or does bodily harm to anyone. Go with her and make sure she doesn't literally lop any heads off."

And then, as though they'd just had a mildly interesting discussion about current politics or the likely winner of the Metropolis 4th grade spelling bee, Tess walked off.

Clark decided that there was something wrong with him: Every woman he was friends with had a significantly psychotic edge to them.

It was going to be a long plane ride.

-End

…A sequel will probably happen.