Spitefic: Vampire vs. Human vs. Turian
Jul. 23rd, 2012 08:21 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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twispiteficTitle: Vampire vs. Human vs. Turian
Author: Erika Lyndis
Fandom(s): Twilight/Mass Effect
Rating: G
Word Count: 600
Inspiration: The 'Normal Guy vs. Edward' thing
Warnings: Copious amounts of Garrus. Do not, uh, *ingest*.
Maybe some spoilers for the Mass Effect trilogy. Nothing major, though – they’re mostly for the character development of Garrus. There’s a few for his romance arc, but not many as I haven’t actually played that path yet.
Summary: Another Normal Guy vs. Edward parody! This time featuring the turian with the reach, Garrus Vakarian.
A normal guy would say: ‘I love you Baby!’
Edward Cullen would say: ‘You are my life now.’
Garrus would say: Can it wait for a bit? I’m in the middle of some calibrations.
Normal Guy would say: ‘I think I am falling for you.’
Edward Cullen would say: ‘The Lion fell in Love with the Lamb’
Garrus would say: ‘Are you ready to be a one turian woman?’
Normal Guy would say: ‘You hair looks like a haystack; go brush it!’
Edward Cullen would say: ‘Your hair looks like a haystack but I like it.’
Garrus would be wondering which bits of you he’s meant to be complimenting. Humans look weird.
A normal guy would pick a random song from a random artist and dedicate it to you.
Edward Cullen would sing you a song he wrote for you while playing the piano.
Garrus Vakarian would pick a song from your music collection in the hope that it counts as ‘mood music’.
If you die, a normal guy would find another.
If you die, Edward would kill himself because life without you isn’t worth living.
If you die, Garrus would become a badass Space Batman vigilante and start cleaning up the most crime ridden filth hole in the galaxy. All because someone showed him how be a leader and fight for what is right.
As you leave the house, a normal guy would say: “Bye, see ya!”
As you leave the house Edward Cullen would say: “Come back to me, love.”
As you leave the Normandy, Garrus would be right behind you, ready to save the galaxy with you.
As you come back to the house, a normal guy would be watching TV and wouldn’t even notice.
As you come back to the house, Edward Cullen would be welcoming you by playing the piano with a song just for you.
As you come back to the Normandy, Garrus would be calibrating the ship’s guns to a higher standard than is physically possible.
A normal guy would wait for you to make him breakfast.
Edward Cullen would make you breakfast every day.
Garrus would attempt to make you breakfast but fail due to not actually being able to eat food meant for levo-amino species. In the end you’d just get your own breakfasts. Being biologically incompatible won’t stop the two of you having a kickass relationship.
While you are both out for dinner, a normal guy wouldn’t keep his eyes off the sexy waitress.
Edward Cullen wouldn’t even notice the waitress was a female.
Garrus would have your back in the inevitable fight that would’ve broken out the moment you stepped through the door. There's really no time for looking at waitresses.
A normal guy, while driving, would keep one hand on the wheel and one hand on the radio.
Edward Cullen, while driving, would keep one hand on the wheel and the other attached to yours.
Garrus would be in the passenger seat of the Mako, really hoping that your crazy driving over mountainous terrain doesn’t get everyone killed.
While far apart in different places, a normal guy would say: ‘I miss you.’
While far apart in different places, Edward Cullen would say: ‘It’s like you’ve taken half of myself with you.’
While far apart in different places, Garrus would tell you to meet him in heaven if it all goes wrong.
A normal guy wouldn’t care or notice if you had nightmares.
Edward Cullen would sing until your nightmares went away.
Garrus would tell you that he’s there to pull you back onto your feet when times get hard.
And you know what? You couldn’t imagine saving the galaxy without him.
Author: Erika Lyndis
Fandom(s): Twilight/Mass Effect
Rating: G
Word Count: 600
Inspiration: The 'Normal Guy vs. Edward' thing
Warnings: Copious amounts of Garrus. Do not, uh, *ingest*.
Maybe some spoilers for the Mass Effect trilogy. Nothing major, though – they’re mostly for the character development of Garrus. There’s a few for his romance arc, but not many as I haven’t actually played that path yet.
Summary: Another Normal Guy vs. Edward parody! This time featuring the turian with the reach, Garrus Vakarian.
A normal guy would say: ‘I love you Baby!’
Edward Cullen would say: ‘You are my life now.’
Garrus would say: Can it wait for a bit? I’m in the middle of some calibrations.
Normal Guy would say: ‘I think I am falling for you.’
Edward Cullen would say: ‘The Lion fell in Love with the Lamb’
Garrus would say: ‘Are you ready to be a one turian woman?’
Normal Guy would say: ‘You hair looks like a haystack; go brush it!’
Edward Cullen would say: ‘Your hair looks like a haystack but I like it.’
Garrus would be wondering which bits of you he’s meant to be complimenting. Humans look weird.
A normal guy would pick a random song from a random artist and dedicate it to you.
Edward Cullen would sing you a song he wrote for you while playing the piano.
Garrus Vakarian would pick a song from your music collection in the hope that it counts as ‘mood music’.
If you die, a normal guy would find another.
If you die, Edward would kill himself because life without you isn’t worth living.
If you die, Garrus would become a badass Space Batman vigilante and start cleaning up the most crime ridden filth hole in the galaxy. All because someone showed him how be a leader and fight for what is right.
As you leave the house, a normal guy would say: “Bye, see ya!”
As you leave the house Edward Cullen would say: “Come back to me, love.”
As you leave the Normandy, Garrus would be right behind you, ready to save the galaxy with you.
As you come back to the house, a normal guy would be watching TV and wouldn’t even notice.
As you come back to the house, Edward Cullen would be welcoming you by playing the piano with a song just for you.
As you come back to the Normandy, Garrus would be calibrating the ship’s guns to a higher standard than is physically possible.
A normal guy would wait for you to make him breakfast.
Edward Cullen would make you breakfast every day.
Garrus would attempt to make you breakfast but fail due to not actually being able to eat food meant for levo-amino species. In the end you’d just get your own breakfasts. Being biologically incompatible won’t stop the two of you having a kickass relationship.
While you are both out for dinner, a normal guy wouldn’t keep his eyes off the sexy waitress.
Edward Cullen wouldn’t even notice the waitress was a female.
Garrus would have your back in the inevitable fight that would’ve broken out the moment you stepped through the door. There's really no time for looking at waitresses.
A normal guy, while driving, would keep one hand on the wheel and one hand on the radio.
Edward Cullen, while driving, would keep one hand on the wheel and the other attached to yours.
Garrus would be in the passenger seat of the Mako, really hoping that your crazy driving over mountainous terrain doesn’t get everyone killed.
While far apart in different places, a normal guy would say: ‘I miss you.’
While far apart in different places, Edward Cullen would say: ‘It’s like you’ve taken half of myself with you.’
While far apart in different places, Garrus would tell you to meet him in heaven if it all goes wrong.
A normal guy wouldn’t care or notice if you had nightmares.
Edward Cullen would sing until your nightmares went away.
Garrus would tell you that he’s there to pull you back onto your feet when times get hard.
And you know what? You couldn’t imagine saving the galaxy without him.
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no subject
Date: 2012-08-06 09:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-08-06 11:06 am (UTC)I recommend playing ME. The trilogy is a big commitment, time-wise, but utterly worth it.
no subject
Date: 2012-08-06 05:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-08-08 06:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-08-08 06:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-08-08 06:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-08-08 06:57 pm (UTC)Normal Guy vs. Edward Cullen vs. L (From Death Note)
no subject
Date: 2012-08-08 11:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-08-09 12:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-08-09 10:37 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-08-09 04:55 pm (UTC)