twispitefic

Title: Genre Fusion
Author:

gehayi
Fandom(s): The Twilight Series
Rating: PG
Word Count: 730
Summary: For years, everyone has figured that Renesmee Cullen will marry Jacob Black when she's old enough. It never occurred to anyone that she might want someone else--or a different kind of life.
Inspiration: Written for

pocky_slash's Not My Fandom Fest, where the object was to write a fic for a fandom you weren't part of based on what you'd learned from your friends and from fandom at large.
Author's Note: From what I know, Renesmee is a complete brat in the books who is completely aware, AT TWO DAYS OLD, that Jacob wants her. Here, she's not like that--mainly because I wanted to create some alternative to the future Meyer sets out for her.

***

"Happy eighteenth, Renesmee," said thirty-five-year-old Jacob Black to a gorgeous woman who looked as if she were in her late twenties. "Now that you're a physically mature half-vampire AND a legal adult, can we finally get married and have tons of sex?"

Renesmee Cullen sighed. "I don't know how to break this to you, Jacob, but I'm a lesbian and I already have a girlfriend."

"You're a WHAT?!"

"And yes," Renesmee continued as if she hadn't heard, "we're serious. I'd marry her if it weren't for the fact that the needles for the blood test keep shattering against my stony skin." She scowled. "Dad won't tell me how he got around that when he and Mom got married. Not that he knows about Claire, of course. Well, he knows that Claire exists, but other than that--"

"Claire?" Jacob interrupted, a look of horror spreading across his face. "Not Quil Ateara's girl!"

"Well, she's not really 'his' girl, Jacob," Renesmee said with infinite patience. "She's my girl."

"But that's not fair! Quil and I--we imprinted on you two when you were babies--"

"Yes, I know." Renesmee grimaced. "And may I say 'yuck'? Seriously, there is something severely wrong with the imprinting process when it forces a perfectly decent guy to fixate on a baby. Not to mention you and Quil thinking that just because you took care of us both in a paternal-fraternal way since the imprinting started, that would mean that we would feel so beloved, and so grateful to be so beloved, that of course we'd both fall in love with you and jump into bed with you as soon as we were quasi-legal. But Jacob..." And she patted him kindly on the arm. "Love doesn't work that way."

"It worked for Sam," Jacob said sullenly. "Emily fell in love with him."

"Emily Young nearly got her face torn off before she agreed to be with Sam Uley. I think that something other than true love might have sparked her decision." Then she smiled. "I am glad that you're being sensible about this. Well, that and not saying, 'You can't be a lesbian!' when I know perfectly well that I am. I have to say I've been dreading that conversation with Mom and Dad."

"Why? They adore you."

"Because Dad will go very early 1900s on me and tell me that lesbianism is every bit as much a myth as vampires burning in sunlight because two women can't do anything together because they don't have the necessary equipment. And Mom will look convincingly confused and then say, 'Edward, what does "gay" mean? And what's a lesbian?' Just as if Aro hasn't been flirting with Grandpa Carlisle for centuries. And Aunt Alice would love to do Mom, too. Preferably while talking about shopping. Or while going shopping."

Jacob shut his eyes and tried not to picture either pairing. It wasn't working.

"Anyway. I'm really sorry, Jacob. I do love you a lot. You're family, after all. You're practically my uncle and my big brother rolled into one. But that's why the sex thing would be so very weird, even if I was bi-curious. It would be like...like emotional incest. SO not my kink." She touched his cheek gently with a cold hand that seemed to have been carved of white marble. "You understand, right?"

"I don't know." Jacob rubbed his face. "I do know that it's going to be damned near impossible for Quil and me to see you and Claire around and know that you're...unavailable."

"Which is why we're leaving Forks and moving to Seattle. Well, after I buy a couple of warehouses' full of face and body makeup. Can't risk public sparkling. You know how anal the Volturi are about that."

Jacob refrained from commenting on Aro and anal. "What are you going to do in Seattle?"

"Claire's got a job lined up in Redmond with Nintendo. I'll be working online for Amazon. No one will ever see me...which will make life so much simpler."

"Simpler how?"

"Jacob," said very patiently. "I'm impossibly strong, insanely fast, for all practical purposes invulnerable and immortal, and defy physics by my very existence. I have a mysterious and inexplicable origin. My birth could have been designed by David Cronenberg. And I possess a tragic biological weakness that can't be overcome. What else could I be but a superhero?"