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twispiteficTitle: Normal Guy vs Edward Cullen vs Daisee the Dog
Author: mage_apprentice
Fandom: Twilight
Rating: G
Word Count: 657
Summary: Another parody of that stupid Normal Guy vs Edward Cullen comparison. The love of a dog knows no bounds.
Note: Daisee is my sister's dog and is a pomeranian/chihuahua crossbreed. My sister named her, not me . . . Also, for some reason, the rich text options are cut and I can't preview or switch between rich text and HTML settings. I also can't select tags even if I press the button for some reason. What's with you, LJ?
A normal guy would say: ‘I love you Baby!’
Edward Cullen would say: ‘You are my life now.’
Daisee run around at your feet and beg for attention.
Normal Guy would say: ‘I think I am falling for you.’
Edward Cullen would say: ‘The Lion fell in Love with the Lamb’
After sniffing at your ankles for a bit, Daisee would stop barking and start begging to be played with.
Normal Guy would say: ‘You hair looks like a haystack; go brush it!’
Edward Cullen would say: ‘Your hair looks like a haystack but I like it.’
Daisee doesn’t care. She just wants you to throw that ball.
A normal guy would pick a random song from a random artist and dedicate it to you.
Edward Cullen would sing you a song he wrote for you while playing the piano.
Daisee doesn’t understand music, but she’ll gladly dance or chase her tail for a treat.
If you die, a normal guy would find another.
If you die, Edward would kill himself because life without you isn’t worth living.
If you die, Daisee would think that you were just out of the house and would wait at the front door for you to come home. Eventually, someone will love her, but she’ll stare at the door for days to come.
As you leave the house, a normal guy would say: “Bye, see ya!”
As you leave the house, Edward Cullen would say: “Come back to me, love.”
As you leave the house, Daisee would cry and whine and beg for you to take her with you, but failing that, she’d quietly sit at the front door as if to say “Come back soon, okay?”
As you come back to the house, a normal guy would be watching TV and wouldn’t even notice.
As you come back to the house, Edward Cullen would be welcoming you by playing the piano with a song just for you.
As you come back to the house, Daisee would run up to greet you and run in and out of the house over and over until you closed the door. Then she’d jump into your lap and give you kisses.
A normal guy would wait for you to make him breakfast.
Edward Cullen would make you breakfast every day.
Daisee is a dog and is dependent on you to give her food. She’ll also give you The Cute Stare as you eat your own food.
While you are both out for dinner, a normal guy wouldn’t keep his eyes off the sexy waitress.
Edward Cullen wouldn’t even notice the waitress was a female.
If the restaurant even allows pets, Daisee would be too preoccupied in begging for scraps to even notice another person coming—unless, of course, they had food.
A normal guy, while driving, would keep one hand on the wheel and one hand on the radio.
Edward Cullen, while driving, would keep one hand on the wheel and the other attached to yours.
Daisee, during the car ride, would calmly sit in your lap and only whine when she needed to go potty.
While far apart in different places, a normal guy would say: ‘I miss you.’
While far apart in different places, Edward Cullen would say: ‘It’s like you’ve taken half of myself with you.’
While far apart in different places, Daisee would preoccupy herself with others, but it’s never the same without you.
A normal guy wouldn’t care or notice if you had nightmares.
Edward Cullen would sing until your nightmares went away.
Daisee would snuggle against your side and give you kisses if you needed them.
A normal guy buys you flowers and chocolates.
Edward Cullen buys you a car.
Daisee is a dog and can’t buy you anything, but she has plenty of love to spare.
Author: mage_apprentice
Fandom: Twilight
Rating: G
Word Count: 657
Summary: Another parody of that stupid Normal Guy vs Edward Cullen comparison. The love of a dog knows no bounds.
Note: Daisee is my sister's dog and is a pomeranian/chihuahua crossbreed. My sister named her, not me . . . Also, for some reason, the rich text options are cut and I can't preview or switch between rich text and HTML settings. I also can't select tags even if I press the button for some reason. What's with you, LJ?
A normal guy would say: ‘I love you Baby!’
Edward Cullen would say: ‘You are my life now.’
Daisee run around at your feet and beg for attention.
Normal Guy would say: ‘I think I am falling for you.’
Edward Cullen would say: ‘The Lion fell in Love with the Lamb’
After sniffing at your ankles for a bit, Daisee would stop barking and start begging to be played with.
Normal Guy would say: ‘You hair looks like a haystack; go brush it!’
Edward Cullen would say: ‘Your hair looks like a haystack but I like it.’
Daisee doesn’t care. She just wants you to throw that ball.
A normal guy would pick a random song from a random artist and dedicate it to you.
Edward Cullen would sing you a song he wrote for you while playing the piano.
Daisee doesn’t understand music, but she’ll gladly dance or chase her tail for a treat.
If you die, a normal guy would find another.
If you die, Edward would kill himself because life without you isn’t worth living.
If you die, Daisee would think that you were just out of the house and would wait at the front door for you to come home. Eventually, someone will love her, but she’ll stare at the door for days to come.
As you leave the house, a normal guy would say: “Bye, see ya!”
As you leave the house, Edward Cullen would say: “Come back to me, love.”
As you leave the house, Daisee would cry and whine and beg for you to take her with you, but failing that, she’d quietly sit at the front door as if to say “Come back soon, okay?”
As you come back to the house, a normal guy would be watching TV and wouldn’t even notice.
As you come back to the house, Edward Cullen would be welcoming you by playing the piano with a song just for you.
As you come back to the house, Daisee would run up to greet you and run in and out of the house over and over until you closed the door. Then she’d jump into your lap and give you kisses.
A normal guy would wait for you to make him breakfast.
Edward Cullen would make you breakfast every day.
Daisee is a dog and is dependent on you to give her food. She’ll also give you The Cute Stare as you eat your own food.
While you are both out for dinner, a normal guy wouldn’t keep his eyes off the sexy waitress.
Edward Cullen wouldn’t even notice the waitress was a female.
If the restaurant even allows pets, Daisee would be too preoccupied in begging for scraps to even notice another person coming—unless, of course, they had food.
A normal guy, while driving, would keep one hand on the wheel and one hand on the radio.
Edward Cullen, while driving, would keep one hand on the wheel and the other attached to yours.
Daisee, during the car ride, would calmly sit in your lap and only whine when she needed to go potty.
While far apart in different places, a normal guy would say: ‘I miss you.’
While far apart in different places, Edward Cullen would say: ‘It’s like you’ve taken half of myself with you.’
While far apart in different places, Daisee would preoccupy herself with others, but it’s never the same without you.
A normal guy wouldn’t care or notice if you had nightmares.
Edward Cullen would sing until your nightmares went away.
Daisee would snuggle against your side and give you kisses if you needed them.
A normal guy buys you flowers and chocolates.
Edward Cullen buys you a car.
Daisee is a dog and can’t buy you anything, but she has plenty of love to spare.
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Date: 2012-08-14 12:59 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-08-14 01:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-08-14 02:01 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-08-14 09:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-08-23 03:03 am (UTC)That was my favorite line. It was just so perfectly disconnected from the 'normal guy' and Wardo, and written in such a matter of fact way. Dogs are clearly superior to both humans and vampires. They may be dependent beings, but they make up for it with cute puppy eyes.
"Daisee is a dog and can’t buy you anything, but she has plenty of love to spare."
This was my second favorite line, though. It shows just what's wrong with Meyer's idea of 'love.' If someone loves you, they shouldn't need to compete with other people to prove they can buy you the most expensive things and say the sappiest words and be the sparkliest sparklers around. Actually showing love and affection are more important, something Daisee the dog has clearly realized.
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Date: 2012-08-23 05:02 am (UTC)A pet's love really does show that, at the end of the day, love is best expressed through actions rather than gifts. As a matter of fact, when I was gonna do a comparison with Zelos Wilder, one of the ways he shows actual love is through his actions (because being rich all his life and feeling how empty gift-based "love" is disillusioned him from gift-based affections) and I was gonna state how . . .
. . . know what, I might as well do a Zelos Wilder comparison. He's a rich, powerful gentleman and has most of Meyer's shallow ideals of what a man should be yet he comes off as a true friend rather than the creepy-ass freak Edward Cullen is.