The Perfect Boyfriend

[blueinkedpalm.livejournal.com]

Title: The Perfect Boyfriend
Author: Blueinkedfrost
Fandom(s): Baldur's Gate
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1.3K
Inspiration: lisaerin's sporking of the list comparing 'Normal Guy' to 'Edward Cullen' here
Warnings: Couple of slightly off-colour jokes
Summary: A comparison between the psychotic necromancer Xzar; the overprivileged megalomaniac Edwin; the wouldbe paladin official love interest Anomen; the psychotic and megalomaniac Tiax, a gnome destined to rule the world; and finally St Edward Cullen of the Incomparably Laughable Sparkle...over upon who in fact makes for the best boyfriend. Crossposted here.
Disclaimer: Twilight definitely not mine, Baldur's Gate not mine.

A normal guy would say: "I love you Baby!"

Edward Cullen would say: "You are my life now."

Xzar would say: "If you die, I'll reanimate you."

Edwin would say: "Of course you love me, I've left hundreds of concubines gasping under my erotic onslaught."

Anomen would say: "Come to me. I shall remove my too-worn armour and I shall show you the love that I hold for you. All tenths of an inch of it." (Author apologises and disclaims a liking for Anomen.)

Tiax would say: "Thou shalt be the chief concubine of Tiax, for Cyric has destined it to be so!"( Read more... )

Hole In the Head

[mogseltof.livejournal.com]

Title: Hole In the Head
Author:  mogseltof
Fandom(s): Twilight & Harry Potter
Rating: Erm, I'm unsure, so I'll go PG
Word Count: 1 177
Inspiration: New Moon, after Edward left.
Warnings: 
Author’s Note: None of it really seemed to be making any sense, so I... extrapolated. (I'm not sure the type I tagged applies, but it seemed to be the one that fitted best. Please tell me if you disagree and I'll change it.)

( Hole In the Head )

Spitefic: Mama Bear

[gehayi.livejournal.com]

Title: Mama Bear
Author: gehayi
Fandom(s): Twilight (1st book)
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2,537
Warning: There's mention of a threatening situation that fairly screams "lack of consent." It doesn't involve sexual contact and is only mentioned in conversation, but it's unpleasant.
Summary: Esme Cullen learns about Alice's and Edward's scheme to force an injured Bella onto a date against her will, and finally acts like the parent she's supposed to be.
Inspiration: Twilight Outtake – Extended Prom Remix.
Author's Notes:The Prom Remix is not part of canon, but it bugged me for all that. I really wanted someone in canon to recognize how completely nasty Alice was being. Esme develops the spine here that she doesn't have in canon because she's just had enough.

The italicized bit at the beginning is a quote from the Remix and is by Meyer.

***

( 'Mary Alice Brandon Cullen,' Esme said in a dangerous voice, 'what do you think you're doing?' )

Real Tragedy

[mogseltof.livejournal.com]

Title: Real Tragedy
Author:  mogseltof
Fandom(s): Twilight
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 679
Inspiration: New Moon, Bella and Alice on their way to Volterra.
Warnings: Character death
Author’s Note: Just an idea I had after Bella's "Oh no, not suicide!" off the cliff.

( Real Tragedy )

The Price of Arrogance

[amadris.livejournal.com]

Title: The Price of Arrogance
Author: amadris 
Fandom(s): Twilight
Rating: R just to be safe
Word Count: 898
Inspiration: Written as to illustrate what would really happen if a person was driving 100 mp/h in the night, not keeping their eyes in the road.
Warnings: Character death
Summary: Edward Cullen is finally forced to realize the depth of his own arrogance. Unfortunately the price is human life.

Author’s Note: This spitefic refers to the first book and chapter 9, called Theory.

 

◊♦◊♦◊♦◊

 

 

( "Are you trying to kill us?" )

 

Homebody

[lurkythespork.livejournal.com]

Title: Homebody
Author: Me, your murloc truly
Book: Twilight
Genre: Standard drama
Rating: G
Word Count: 1,560
Inspiration: A House in Order
Warnings:  A little sociopolitical rambling, but Esme’s entitled to her opinions.  Also, one slur quoted from another character and rebuked with comic violence.
Author’s Note: Having mentioned that Esme doesn’t get enough “screen-time” in the books and movies, I began to feel the itch to work with her.  She grew some rather startling traits as I was writing this from her perspective, and if realized, they would have altered everything.  (This is getting a bit out of hand.  I may eventually have to try—vainly—to follow in Mrs. Hyde’s footsteps and rewrite Twilight with actually credible characters.  What a different story that would be...)

This is in no way meant to overshadow Gehayi's amazing Esme from the previous post.

 

 

 

( If Esme had a mind... )