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twispitefic2011-04-02 12:42 am
Spitefic: Normal Guy vs Edward?
Title: Normal Guy vs Edward?
Author: Erika Lyndis
Fandom(s): Twilight/Fullmetal Alchemist
Rating: G
Word Count: 586
Inspiration: This sporking and the spitefics in the comments.
Warnings: Some slight spoliers for the ending of the manga Fullmetal Alchemist.
Summary: They may both have golden eyes, but these two Edwards could NOT be more different.
Author's Notes: Obviously, I don't own the origonal Normal Guy vs. Edward Cullen list, Twilight or Fullmetal Alchemist.
A normal guy would say: ‘I love you Baby!’
Edward Cullen would say: ‘You are my life now.’
Edward Elric would yell: ‘Equivalent Exchange! I’ll give you half my life, so you give half of yours!’ and then blush like the adorkable nerd he is.
Normal Guy would say: ‘I think I am falling for you.’
Edward Cullen would say: ‘The Lion fell in Love with the Lamb’
Edward Elric would start reeling off chunks of the periodic table at high speed.
Normal Guy would say: ‘You hair looks like a haystack; go brush it!’
Edward Cullen would say: ‘Your hair looks like a haystack but I like it.’
Edward Elric would say: ‘You look like an uncute automail geek!’ and wouldn’t need to tell you that he liked it.
A normal guy would pick a random song from a random artist and dedicate it to you.
Edward Cullen would sing you a song he wrote for you while playing the piano.
Edward Elric would transmute something ridiculously tacky and badass for you.
If you die, a normal guy would find another.
If you die, Edward would kill himself because life without you isn’t worth living.
If you died, Edward Elric would probably weigh up the pros and cons of losing another arm, before deciding that he’s defied the laws of nature enough for one lifetime.
As you leave the house, a normal guy would say: “Bye, see ya!”
As you leave the house Edward Cullen would say: “Come back to me, love.”
As you leave the house, Edward Elric would say: ‘If you’re heading into town, could you pick up some books for me?’ and would proceed to list ten or twenty titles.
As you come back to the house, a normal guy would be watching TV and wouldn’t even notice.
As you come back to the house, Edward Cullen would be welcoming you by playing the piano with a song just for you.
As you come back to the house, Edward Elric would be engaged in a heated argument with a shifty eyed illegal immigrant over a room service bill, and he’d acknowledge your return with a request for backup.
A normal guy would wait for you to make him breakfast.
Edward Cullen would make you breakfast every day.
Edward Elric would just eat breakfast. It’s morning, and he’s hungry.
While you are both out for dinner, a normal guy wouldn’t keep his eyes off the sexy waitress.
Edward Cullen wouldn’t even notice the waitress was a female.
Edward Elric would be too busy trying to forge Roy Mustang’s signature on the bill.
A normal guy, while driving, would keep one hand on the wheel and one hand on the radio.
Edward Cullen, while driving, would keep one hand on the wheel and the other attached to yours.
Edward Elric would be in the passenger seat, since you’re perfectly capable of driving yourself. Besides, you’re better at it and it’s your car.
While far apart in different places, a normal guy would say: ‘I miss you.’
While far apart in different places, Edward Cullen would say: ‘It’s like you’ve taken half of myself with you.’
While far apart in different places, Edward Elric would tell you to have that apple pie ready. And you know that he missed you.
A normal guy wouldn’t care or notice if you had nightmares.
Edward Cullen would sing until your nightmares went away.
Edward Elric would tell you the next time you cried, they’d be tears of happiness.
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EXCELLENT AND ELEGANT~!
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(and Winry pwns Bella a hundred times over - despite being blonde)
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Life with Edward Cullen would be scary.
Life with Edward Elric would be nice, cute AND exciting.
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*is killed for than pun and is dead*
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I would recommend reading the manga or watching the Brotherhood anime, since that's the version of Edward I used for this list (the 2003!anime version is much more ANGST WHINE ANGST I AM A MONSTER than OH HEY I BROKE THE LAWS OF NATURE, BUT HERE'S SOMETHING BADASS I MADE WITH ALCHEMY). It's an amazing serise if you're into something that's a mix of supernatural, horror and comedy and it contains a lot of amazing female characters. In many ways I see the manga as the anti-Twilight, since it's basically about how humanity is strong when we stand together, and 'divine' beings that declare themselves god aren't even worth our time.
Ahh, sorry, I could fangirl about FMA for pages!